Forgiveness

Forgiveness Station

I woke up this morning with forgiveness on my mind. This is an aspect of Christian life with which I struggle. I am betting that some of you do too.

A few years ago, I was deeply hurt by a most trusted family member. Without Jesus to lean on, this could easily have been a relationship ending event. As I struggled to process the pain and betrayal, I could hear a “gentle whisper” (1Kings 19:12) reminding me that I was commanded to forgive. Forgive – not trust (that would come later or perhaps not at all), so I decided to hang in there. I won’t pretend it was easy, but it absolutely helped that the person who hurt me wanted to be forgiven. If the person you have to forgive is unrepentant, I imagine the process is harder, but not impossible.

We each sought Christian counseling to help us navigate a path to restoration. I struggled with the doubt that I had actually forgiven the offense, because many days it didn’t feel like I did. My mind would (and sometimes still does) replay the incident over and over. I would feel a desire for revenge – even entertaining ideas to that end. I was still sad and scared. How does that all fit with Jesus’ command to forgive? Controlling my thoughts and feelings felt like an endless battle, but I always came back to the decision to forgive. Was I obeying, or simple fooling myself?

I discussed this with Crystal, my Christian counselor. She gave me an analogy that was extremely helpful. I hope you will also find it so.

She told me that forgiveness is like a train. The engine, or driving force, is the conscious decision we make to forgive. Without that decision we cannot move on. The boxcars are the loving actions we make toward the person who hurt us. These actions cost us something, because love is sacrificial. It may cost you pride, hurt, or your desire to pay back. The caboose of this train is our feelings and emotions. It is the last part of the train to arrive at “Forgiveness Station”, but when the engine gets there, the train is said to have arrived.

This analogy gave me much hope and reassurance. I was doing what Jesus commanded with the parts of the train I could control, but my caboose hadn’t yet arrived at the station. Here is the really amazing thing…Jesus would help me get the entire train there if I continued to be committed to the process.

I am overjoyed to tell you that the relationship that had taken such a beating no longer exists. A much stronger, more beautiful relationship has taken its place. God used this wilderness season in our lives to grow both of our spiritual walks, as we leaned heavily on His teachings.

I have recently suffered another hurt on a much smaller scale and with someone not especially close, but the process remains the same. It is a process I imagine I will go through many, many times. In Matthew 18 Jesus told Peter that he would have to forgive someone who had sinned against him seventy times seven times.

It is not easy, my friend, but it is so worth it. Let Jesus walk you through the steps. He will eventually bring your train completely into the station.